Lessons Learned

I dread Monday's more than I dread getting the yearly stomach flu - I firmly believe that Monday's have it out for me. I would love to be friends with Monday, but I don't think Monday wants to be friends with me. The following lessons were learned on this particular Monday - but forewarning, dear readers, what you are about to read is not for the faint of heart.....

- Before eating bread, always - and I do mean ALWAYS - check to see if there are any green colonies of mold sprouting up, unwelcome and unashamed. It's best to check for such visitors before eating your sandwich, rather than halfway through it.

- When in your office or work space and a spider gracefully and grand-fully floats down from the abyss to stare menacingly into your face as if to say "Bring it, awkward pale girl", the wise decision would be to calmly and quietly slay the intruder with your flip flops, rather than draw undesired attention to yourself by leaping from your chair and squeaking like a dog's chew toy, tripping over your chair in the process.

- When playing with a child, and you see their face scrunch up you can assume that a) they are pooping, b) they are tooting, or c)they are about to sneeze. On multiple choice tests, my theory has always been "when in doubt, choose "c"". I have decided to apply this to my daily life due to the fact that I was not just sprinkled, but water hosed with kiddie-snot all over my arms and face. I'm telling you, good people, when you see the tell-tale face scrunch, take cover under everything and anything!!!!!!!

- When going to the gym, thinking to yourself "I may have lost my appetite, pride, and hygiene today, but by George, I will NOT loose the battle of the bulge!" make sure you check the condition of the shorts you have decided to run in. You may have a hole in a most inconvenient area, exposing your bootylicious glory to your fellow gym-mates. Dang it.

As you can see, I have every good reason to crawl back into my bed, cover up my head, and wait until the day goes by. Oh well, as Anne would say "tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it".